


And All My Scars (Don't Seem to Matter Anymore)

by roseandheather



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Olivia Deserves To Be Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 16:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13057884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseandheather/pseuds/roseandheather
Summary: "...you and I could've had something amazing and we had it ripped out of our hands by no choice of ours. Don't choose to miss out on something that could be even better."A chance encounter with an old flame points Olivia toward an unexpected chance at happiness.





	And All My Scars (Don't Seem to Matter Anymore)

She could've loved David Haden, she knows. 

Even years later it hurts to think about, sometimes; how maybe her best chance for happiness was torn away from her by duty and the conflict of two people equally dedicated to their jobs. She remembers lying in bed, soothed by the rhythm of his heartbeat under her ear, and wonders if anyone else will ever feel so  _right._

They run into each other at some charity gala she can't remember the name of now. It's been years since they've seen each other, half a decade at least, but the sight of him punches her in the solar plexus nevertheless. His eyes widen when he sees her; she can see the hesitation, the wondering, and silently wills him closer. She won't chase him, won't hound him, but something about  _them_ has always felt just a bit unfinished, and she hopes, perhaps selfishly, for closure.

"Counselor," she says, because she's not sure she's allowed to call him anything else; but he smiles that heartbreaking smile she remembers and murmurs, "Hello, Liv. It's been awhile."

"Hi, David," she breathes, and the nostalgia almost overwhelms her. He tucks her hand in the crook of his elbow and bends his head closer. "How are you?"

"Reasonably happy in Brooklyn," he admits with a smile, though it's rather bittersweet. "I was lucky they took me on. I'll never make it past EADA now, but I've got good people. It's more than I deserve."

"It's not enough," she snaps, still bitter. "You're a good man, David, and you never did  _anything_ wrong, they shouldn't have - "

"But they did," he says quietly, and quiets her with it. After a moment he looks her in the eyes, grave and warm. "You and I always did seem to be star-crossed."

"Yeah," she whispers. "We did."

He shakes his head for a moment. "I will always regret," he says slowly, "that you and I never got a chance to find out where we could go. You and I... we meant something."

"Yes," she says hoarsely, holding his gaze. "God, yes, we did."

"And I'll always treasure that," he says quietly. "Always. Being with you was a privilege."

"So were you," she says - and feels, finally, the blessed weight of  _wondering_ slide off her shoulders. She still regrets their lost chances, but to be on the same page with him is a blessing she hadn't known she needed.

Quietly she folds her precious memories of David, of what they had, of who they were and how they felt and what they could have been, into a small box in her mind and tucks them away, safe and warm and  _resolved._

For the first time in so long, she feels free.

At that moment a small brunette whirlwind sweeps by, grabbing David's face in her hands and kissing him swiftly on the lips. "Hi babe, hope you're having a good time, see you later, gotta go," she says in a rush, and is gone.

Olivia stares in disbelief. "You're dating  _Minonna Efron?_ " she asks, and to her relief there's no pain, only wistful longing and honest joy that even if she hasn't found happiness yet, David has. 

David ducks his head, abashed. "We met on the opposite sides of a courtroom, believe it or not," he says with a rueful laugh. "Her client was guilty as sin and she knew it. As soon as he signed the plea bargain, she asked me out for drinks. I was too stunned to say no, and," he coughs, "here we are."

"I'm glad," she says, and means it with all her heart. "She's a good woman. Even if Barba still hasn't forgiven her for handing him his ass on a silver platter in court."

"Yes, I'd heard he's been with SVU for awhile."

"Still with us now," she says, "thank God." And doesn't realize the brilliant smile blooming on her face as she says it.

David studies her for a minute. "Liv... is he making you happy?"

 _Huh?_ is the only thing she can think. "I suppose," she says slowly. "He's a fantastic lawyer -"

"Not what I meant," says David, shaking his head. "I meant  _personally._ "

"David..." she says slowly, "Barba and I aren't dating."

Now it's his turn to look surprised. "You're  _not?_ "

"No!" she says impatiently. "What on earth -"

"Oh, my God," says David, starting to smirk, and she feels the familiar urge to throttle him. "He hasn't  _told_ you?"

"Told me  _what?_ David Nathaniel Haden, so help me - "

"Oooh, the full name," he teases her, "what did I  _ever_ do - "

" _David!_ "

"Fine, fine." He holds up his hands in surrender. "Liv, Barba is staying at SVU  _for you."_

She stares at him.

"I overheard this a few months ago," David continues. "Liv, you have to understand, Barba has always been about climbing the ladder.  _Always._ When he headed for Manhattan we thought he'd be there for a year, two max, and then he'd be with the Southern District or the Attorney General. But after he started with SVU he just... stopped. He's not playing the game anymore, not really. And when someone asked him why he hadn't moved on, he just said, 'I can't leave her.'"

She stares at him, harder.

"Liv, that man chucked a very promising political career out the window for  _you._ Because he can't bear to leave  _you,_ or what you're doing together. Yes, I've heard," he says, before she can say anything. "You're going to put yourself out of a job if you keep this up. Olivia Benson, that man  _loves_ you." He looks her earnestly in the eyes. "Look, Liv, you and I could've had something amazing and we had it ripped out of our hands by no choice of ours. Don't choose to miss out on something that could be even better."

She blinks again, wonderingly, as years and years of sidebars and confrontations and quiet moments coalesce in her head to show her a picture she never saw coming, and for the first time since the moment in that bar when she said goodbye to David Haden, feels hope - true, honest hope - bubbling up under her skin. David's eyes are steady on hers, and as he sees the realization dawning, he smiles.

Because she can't do anything else, she hugs him. The feeling of his arms around her is as perfect as it's always been; warm and comforting, holding her like she matters to him, and she clutches him tight.

"Thank you," she murmurs in his ear, hoarse and choked with tears. 

"Always," he says, his voice just as hoarse.

The moment can't last forever, and eventually she pulls away, only to kiss his cheek. "Be happy," she tells him, her eyes on his.

He nods, and he smiles, and so does she. "You too, Liv. You, too."

Later that night, tugging pins from her hair, she thinks about lost chances and future possibilities. After having David torn away from her, after Brian and Ed falling apart despite their best efforts, she feels like she could be on the precipice of the best years of her life.

She could've loved David Haden, she knows.

But then she thinks about Rafael Barba, and everything he's come to mean, and broken hearts that lead you right where you're supposed to go, and thinks that maybe the chance she never got was the path straight to the best chance she'll ever have.

"I can't leave her," he'd said.

She wonders if he knows that she could never leave him, either.

**Author's Note:**

> I am incredibly flattered, as always, by the kind words and kudos left on this fic, both as of this writing and in the future.
> 
> BUT.
> 
> There isn't going to be a sequel. This fic is complete as it stands. It was meant to bring closure to the Liv/David relationship (which is my second-favorite in the series, outdone only by Barson), not to kickstart another one. There are approximately a squintillion fics which deal with Olivia and Barba confessing their feelings. I have no intention of writing yet another. I've told the story I want to tell. It's done. C'est fini. 
> 
> Sorry. <3


End file.
